How High Should the Mahr Go

A question on many Muslim female mind preparing for marriage is “how high should the mahr go?” – they don’t want to ask too high an amount but neither too low an amount either.

This brings us to the story of the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, Fatima RA: When Fatimah was eighteen years old and prominent personalities started proposing for her, but the Prophet (SAW) said he was waiting for a sign from Allah. One day ‘Ali (RA) came to see the Prophet (SAW) but he was very shy and diffident and seemed to be holding something back.

The Prophet (SAW) realized what was on his mind and asked him if he came to propose marriage to Fatimah (RA). ‘Ali answered that he had. The Prophet (SAW) asked Fatimah what she thought of the proposal. She started to weep silently. He then told her that ‘Ali was a learned, kind-hearted and brave young man. Fatimah accepted her father’s decision. He then asked ‘Ali if he had some money for the dowry. ‘Ali replied that the Prophet (SAW) had seen his life from the cradle and knew his financial position very well.

Then the Prophet (SAW) asked him where his shield was, and said that would be the dowry for Fatimah. ‘Ali sent it to the market with his slave to be sold and got four hundred Dirhams for it. This he gave to the Prophet (SAW) who asked him to keep the money and buy some things for the house and perfume for the wedding. Then he asked his esteemed companions to attend the ceremony. Ali read out a speech for the occasion: ‘All Praise is for Allah. We are grateful to Him for His Bounties and His Blessings. I bear witness that None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, vouching for Him so it will reach Him and gain His Favor.

The Prophet (SAW) has married his daughter, Fatimah to me and the Mahr has been fixed at four hundred Dirhams. Now all those present please listen to what the Prophet (SAW) has to say and bear witness.’ After that the Prophet (SAW) praised Allah Almighty and recited the marriage ceremony, after asking Fatimah for her consent.

He announced the Mahr and told all those present that Allah had commanded him to have Fatimah married to ‘Ali. After that he prayed for a happy and blessed future for the bride and groom. Some basic things were purchased for the house to which ‘Ali and Fatimah moved. A bed, a pillow filled with the leaves of dried date palm, a plate, a glass, a water bag and a grinding stone, these were the few things with which the daughter of the Prophet (SAW) set up her new home.

This is a beautiful story that really shows the simplicity and beauty of Islam: “Once a woman came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, “I dedicate myself to you (for marriage).” She stayed for a long period of time, then a man said, “O Messenger of Allah! If you do not want her, marry me to her”.

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “What do you have to give as a dowry’?” I have nothing but Izar (waist sheet). The man replied. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “If you give her your Izar, you will have no Izar to wear, so find something (else).”

He said, “I have nothing.” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “(Try to) find (something) even if (it is) a ring of iron.” But the man went back with nothing. The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Do you memorize something of the Qur’an’? The man said, “Yes, I memorize such and such and named some surahs.

Then The Prophet (pbuh) said, “I gave you to each other in marriage for what you memorize of the Qur’an. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

So “How high should the mahr go?” When you find yourself in a position of contemplating marriage, or someone comes and asks for your daughter’s hand; try to think of the important things and what would please Allah SWT.

On the day of judgment, Allah SWT is not going to ask us how much were our dowries, but instead that we paid our dowries like he told us to do:
“And give women their dowries as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result.” An-Nisa, 4:4.

And Allah SWT is going to ask us how we spent our money; what better thing to say that we spent in Your sake and didn’t spend in access?

Outlandish dowries and lavish weddings are not a part of Islam and are a part of this dunya that we should not mingle with.